


We're okay

by TheHerondaleBitch



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Time, Coda, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s12e23 All Along the Watchtower, Feelings, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Hurt Castiel, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Episode: s12e23 All Along the Watchtower, Smut, Temporary Character Death, Two Endings, alternate endings, couldn't decide if i want fluff or smut, so i did both
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-30
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-12-08 21:09:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11654778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheHerondaleBitch/pseuds/TheHerondaleBitch
Summary: "No!”, Dean screamed. He saw the angel slowly fall to his knees, the light literally fading from his eyes. The rest all happened in a blurr. Dean saw how Sam ran back into the house probably to check up on Rosemary and her baby, but he didn’t give two shits.Instead he just starred at the angel until his legs gave out underneath him and he landed hard on the ground. But he didn’t feel it. All he felt was that deep pain in his chest, that knowing that Cas was… no he wouldn’t say it. Not even in his mind, because that would make it true and he couldn’t loose his best friend… his angel.





	1. Ending Version #1: Fluff

**Author's Note:**

> So uhmmm… so this is my first fanfic like ever and I’m kinda unsure about it, but I was on a bus from Stockholm to Oslo when this scene came into my mind and I wanted to share it with you guys.  
> I couldn’t quite decide whether to write a fluffy or a smutty ending so I did both and it’s up to you which one you’d like to read, either the fluffy hurt/comfort one or the… well smutty hurt/comfort one + Dean not being able to say those three words (Hint: he does in the fluffy one)  
> Or you could just read both and tell me which one you liked best, and I’m ranting so:  
> Enjoy!

‟No!”, Dean screamed. He saw the angel slowly fall to his knees, the light literally fading from his eyes. The rest all happened in a blurr. He saw his mother step up beside him and Sam to tell them „I love you” and then faced Lucifer. Through his shock he saw her punching the archangel and then they were just gone. His mind seemed to realize that she wouldn’t be back anytime soon, but all he could think about was the fallen angel in front of him with burn marks surrounding him where his wings should have been. Dean saw how Sam ran back into the house probably to check up on Rosemary and her baby, but he didn’t give two shits.

Instead he just starred at the angel until his legs gave out underneath him and he landed hard on the ground. But he didn’t feel it. All he felt was that deep pain in his chest, that knowing that Cas was… no he wouldn’t say it. Not even in his mind, because that would make it true and he couldn’t loose his best friend… his angel.

‟Cas”, Dean whispered with a raw voice. ‟Please…”

He looked up into the sky and after a long period of time he prayed. Prayed to God… to Chuck. Prayed to Amara. To anyone who would hear him.

‟Please. Bring him back… I need him” He looked back down at Cas and wished he’d open his eyes again, his deep blue eyes that seemed to look right through him into his soul.

‟I love you” His voice cracked. And then he felt the tears in his eyes. Because he knew the angel would never hear him requite those words. He knew that in that barn Cas’ words were meant for him, but back then he was too chicken to say them back… and now he regretted not doing it.

He prayed again and again, but nothing happened. Dean started to give up. He felt the sobs rising up in his throat and then he couldn’t help himself anymore. He cradled Cas’ rapidly cooling body in his arms and stroked his hair and cried. Cried and cursed everyone on earth, in heaven and in hell for the death of his angel, but most of all himself. He should have protected him. Should have stayed with him in that other world to make sure Lucifer wouldn’t come out again. It was all his fault…

Sam came out of the cabin with a young man and Dean shouldn’t be here so vulnerable, but he didn’t care. All he cared about was the dead body in his arms. Sam looked at him with sympathy and hurt in his eyes. He knew how much the angel meant to his brother.

Dean looked at the young man behind him. That could only be the Nephilim. A celestial being stronger than anyone. Something that should be able to do things that others can’t.

‟Bring him back”, Dean croaked, his voice raw from crying.

‟Dean he’s…”, Sam said softly, but Dean wouldn’t have it. He didn’t give a fuck about consequences. He needed his angel back.

‟Bring him back! He died for you, he didn’t deserve this. You have to bring him back!”, he screamed at the boy who looked at Cas with thoughtful eyes.

‟Please”, Dean whispered at last. The Nephilim looked at him. Peered right through him with those golden eyes. Then he nodded slowly.

‟Castiel has been good to me. He protected me when no one else would. He was different than other angels. He had a soul. That I can bring back. His grace on the other hand is gone. So he’ll be human.” Sam laid a hand on Dean’s shoulder. As if to tell him no, but he didn’t care.

‟Do it”, he said sternly. The Nephilim nodded again and pointed at him to put Cas’ body on the ground. Dean carefully laid him down and shortly touched his face that was now way too cold, but he wouldn’t loose hope. The Nephilim would bring him back. Everything was going to be okay.

The boy crouched down to Cas’ other side and thoroughly looked at him. Then he put a hand on his chest and mere seconds later his eyes began to glow stronger and golden light pushed into Cas’ chest. His skin began to glow. Dean held his breath for what felt like an eternity until finally the angel opened his eyes. Golden eyes that slowly faded into the ocean blue ones Dean knew so well. The angel gasped and the Nephilim withdrew his hand. Dean starred at him.

‟Cas?”, he asked cautiously. He looked the angel up and down to reassure himself that he was here.

‟Hello Dean”, Cas said with that deep voice of his and Dean broke.

‟Cas” He threw his arms around the other man and held him close. Then he drew back enough to look into his eyes and cradled his face.

‟Guys”, Sam said warningly. Both men looked up at him.

‟The Nephilim just vanished.” Dean looked around, but the boy was nowhere to be found.  
‟We should head back to the bunker. Get some rest. And then we will search for him.” Dean looked at his brother who looked back at him and Cas with soft eyes and Dean nodded slowly. He got up and pulled Cas with him. He threw Baby’s keys to Sam and then took Cas’ hand to pull him into the backseat. Sam looked at him once, then nodded and got in behind the wheel.

After a few hours of a silent drive during which Dean wouldn’t stop touching Cas’ hand they finally parked in the bunker’s garage. They got into the kitchen, away from the big hole in the war room and Dean immediately went for the fridge and pulled out a beer. He couldn’t stop starring at Cas. Couldn’t believe that he stood here now looking back at him, when a few hours ago he had lain dead on the cold ground. And Dean was to blame. Sam cleared his throat.

‟Guys, I’m gonna hit the hay. It’s good to have you here, Cas.” He clapped Cas on the shoulder and then went to leave the two of them alone. Dean looked down at his beer. He didn’t know what to say. He was still in shock. Though Cas was back, his mother was still in that alternate dimension with Lucifer and he didn’t dare let himself think about what he would do to her. To get back at the Winchester brothers.

He took a large gulp from his beer that was nearly empty now.

‟Dean, you should get some rest”, Cas said softly. As Dean looked up at the an- former angel he realized that he came much closer. Dean’s breath faltered. His blue eyes pierced into him and Dean didn’t know what to do.

‟Dean? Are you okay?” Cas tilted his head to the side in his innocent way that made Dean feel sick. He almost lost him. Almost missed the chance to ever see that head tilt again. He didn’t have any reason to lie to the former angel. He shook his head. Cas’ face softened. He put his hand on Dean’s left arm, where he left that mark all those years ago.

‟Come on.” He said softly and graped Dean’s hand to pull him into the hallway with their rooms.

They stood in front of Dean’s room and Dean couldn’t get himself to say goodnight. To let go of the other man’s hand and be alone. He couldn’t be alone tonight. He needed the former angel.

‟Would you…” Dean looked down at his feet. „Can you…” Dean got frustrated with himself. But Cas seemed to understand him without him having to use words and that made him fall even a bit more. Their deep understanding for the other and their needs.

‟Of course. I’ll watch over you.” Cas smiled slightly and Dean nodded. He turned to open his door, got in and pulled Cas in behind him, all without ever letting go of his hand. He closed the door behind them and now they stood in front of each other. Gazing at one another. Dean pulled all his courage together and lifted his free hand to lay on Cas’ cheek. He let his thump stroke softly over his cheekbone and after a few moments he let out a low sigh.

‟I almost lost you tonight”, he whispered brokenly. Cas stayed still, seeming to know that Dean needed to get this out.

‟You were dead. I saw your burned wings. I thought- I was going to die.” Cas took his face into his hands, slowly caressing his cheeks, his jaw, and then his lips. Dean just starred. Let himself have this, let himself be vulnerable for once.

‟You didn’t loose me. I’m here. I’m okay. We’re okay.”, Cas whispered back and Dean felt the wetness on his cheeks. Cas let one of his hands reach to the base of Dean’s neck and took a step forward to embrace Dean with his other arm. He held him tightly to his chest and Dean buried his face in the former angel’s neck, breathing in this earthy, but also unworldly scent that was so unmistakably Cas. After his tears had stopped flowing, Cas pulled him towards his bed and sat him down. He could feel Cas stripping him of his clothes, but he didn’t so anything to stop it, or to help. When he was down to his shirt and his boxers, Cas drew back the comforter and helped Dean under the sheets. He pressed his lips to his forehead and stood up to leave, but Dean held onto his wrist and looked up to him with open, vulnerable eyes.

‟Please stay”, he said with a sleepy voice. Cas nodded and began to get rid of his own clothes. He put them neatly next to Dean’s and then slipped under the sheets next to the hunter. Dean turned to the former angel and looked deeply into his eyes. He cupped Cas’ cheek and slowly leaned in. Their faces were a few millimeters from each other and their breath mingled. Then Dean leaned in the rest of the way and softly brushed his lips against Cas’.

‟Please never leave me again.” Dean’s voice broke. Cas kissed him again, a bit longer, but still gently and lovingly.

‟I can’t promise that. But I will promise you that I’ll always come back. I’ll always come back to you.” He answered softly and for now it had to be enough. With a sad smile he turned around. Cas immediately moved forward to press his body against Dean’s back and threw an arm around his waist. Dean’s own hand lay over his.

‟I love you, Cas.”

‟I love you, too.”


	2. Ending Version #2: Smut

‟No!”, Dean screamed. He saw the angel slowly fall to his knees, the light literally fading from his eyes. The rest all happened in a blurr. He saw his mother step up beside him and Sam to tell them „I love you” and then faced Lucifer. Through his shock he saw her punching the archangel and then they were just gone. His mind seemed to realize that she wouldn’t be back anytime soon, but all he could think about was the fallen angel in front of him with burn marks surrounding him where his wings should have been. Dean saw how Sam ran back into the house probably to check up on Rosemary and her baby, but he didn’t give two shits.

Instead he just starred at the angel until his legs gave out underneath him and he landed hard on the ground. But he didn’t feel it. All he felt was that deep pain in his chest, that knowing that Cas was… no he wouldn’t say it. Not even in his mind, because that would make it true and he couldn’t loose his best friend… his angel.

‟Cas”, Dean whispered with a raw voice. ‟Please…”

He looked up into the sky and after a long period of time he prayed. Prayed to God… to Chuck. Prayed to Amara. To anyone who would hear him.

‟Please. Bring him back… I need him” He looked back down at Cas and wished he’d open his eyes again, his deep blue eyes that seemed to look right through him into his soul.

‟I love you” His voice cracked. And then he felt the tears in his eyes. Because he knew the angel would never hear him requite those words. He knew that in that barn Cas’ words were meant for him, but back then he was too chicken to say them back… and now he regretted not doing it.

He prayed again and again, but nothing happened. Dean started to give up. He felt the sobs rising up in his throat and then he couldn’t help himself anymore. He cradled Cas’ rapidly cooling body in his arms and stroked his hair and cried. Cried and cursed everyone on earth, in heaven and in hell for the death of his angel, but most of all himself. He should have protected him. Should have stayed with him in that other world to make sure Lucifer wouldn’t come out again. It was all his fault…

Sam came out of the cabin with a young man and Dean shouldn’t be here so vulnerable, but he didn’t care. All he cared about was the dead body in his arms. Sam looked at him with sympathy and hurt in his eyes. He knew how much the angel meant to his brother.

Dean looked at the young man behind him. That could only be the Nephilim. A celestial being stronger than anyone. Something that should be able to do things that others can’t.

‟Bring him back”, Dean croaked, his voice raw from crying.

‟Dean he’s…”, Sam said softly, but Dean wouldn’t have it. He didn’t give a fuck about consequences. He needed his angel back.

‟Bring him back! He died for you, he didn’t deserve this. You have to bring him back!”, he screamed at the boy who looked at Cas with thoughtful eyes.

‟Please”, Dean whispered at last. The Nephilim looked at him. Peered right through him with those golden eyes. Then he nodded slowly.

‟Castiel has been good to me. He protected me when no one else would. He was different than other angels. He had a soul. That I can bring back. His grace on the other hand is gone. So he’ll be human.” Sam laid a hand on Dean’s shoulder. As if to tell him no, but he didn’t care.

‟Do it”, he said sternly. The Nephilim nodded again and pointed at him to put Cas’ body on the ground. Dean carefully laid him down and shortly touched his face that was now way too cold, but he wouldn’t loose hope. The Nephilim would bring him back. Everything was going to be okay.

The boy crouched down to Cas’ other side and thoroughly looked at him. Then he put a hand on his chest and mere seconds later his eyes began to glow stronger and golden light pushed into Cas’ chest. His skin began to glow. Dean held his breath for what felt like an eternity until finally the angel opened his eyes. Golden eyes that slowly faded into the ocean blue ones Dean knew so well. The angel gasped and the Nephilim withdrew his hand. Dean starred at him.

‟Cas?”, he asked cautiously. He looked the angel up and down to reassure himself that he was here.

‟Hello Dean”, Cas said with that deep voice of his and Dean broke.

‟Cas” He threw his arms around the other man and held him close. Then he drew back enough to look into his eyes and cradled his face.

‟Guys”, Sam said warningly. Both men looked up at him.

‟The Nephilim just vanished.” Dean looked around, but the boy was nowhere to be found.

‟We should head back to the bunker. Get some rest. And then we will search for him.” Dean looked at his brother who looked back at him and Cas with soft eyes and Dean nodded slowly. He got up and pulled Cas with him. He threw Baby’s keys to Sam and then took Cas’ hand to pull him into the backseat. Sam looked at him once, then nodded and got in behind the wheel.

After a few hours of a silent drive during which Dean wouldn’t stop touching Cas’ hand they finally parked in the bunker’s garage. They got into the kitchen, away from the big hole in the war room and Dean immediately went for the fridge and pulled out a beer. He couldn’t stop starring at Cas. Couldn’t believe that he stood here now looking back at him, when a few hours ago he had lain dead on the cold ground. And Dean was to blame. Sam cleared his throat.

‟Guys, I’m gonna hit the hay. It’s good to have you here, Cas.” He clapped Cas on the shoulder and then went to leave the two of them alone. Dean looked down at his beer. He didn’t know what to say. He was still in shock. Though Cas was back, his mother was still in that alternate dimension with Lucifer and he didn’t dare let himself think about what he would do to her. To get back at the Winchester brothers.

He took a large gulp from his beer that was nearly empty now.

‟Dean you should get some rest”, Cas said softly. As Dean looked up at the an- former angel he realized that he came much closer. Dean’s breath faltered. His blue eyes pierced into him and Dean didn’t know what to do.

‟Dean? Are you okay?” Cas tilted his head to the side in his innocent way that made Dean feel sick. He almost lost him. Almost missed the chance to ever see that head tilt again. He didn’t have any reason to lie to the former angel. He shook his head. Cas’ face softened. He put his hand on Dean’s left arm, where he left that mark all those years ago.

‟Come on.” He said softly and graped Dean’s hand to pull him into the hallway with their rooms. Cas pulled him into the hunter’s room and then gently closed the door. Dean starred at him, not being able to believe that he was here with his angel- exangel. He could feel the panic rising in his chest. When Cas turned around he couldn’t breathe anymore.

‟I almost lost you”, he whispered, not trusting his voice. ‟I’m so sorry. I’m sorry.”

Cas hurried towards him with two steps and took his face in his hands, giving him no chance but to look at him. His ocean blue eyes pierced into him, trying to calm him.

‟Dean, none of this is your fault”, he said, but Dean wouldn’t let himself believe that. If he had only stopped him when he charged for Lucifer or stayed with him in the other dimension to help him. Anything.

‟You were dead. You were gone. And now you’re human and weak and all of it just because I didn’t think. Didn’t do anything.” He gasped for air. It was all his fault. Cas shook his head furiously. He stroked over Dean’s cheeks, let one of his handy slip to his neck and massaged the skin there.

Dean leaned into the touch. He brought his forehead to the exangel’s and let himself breathe in Cas’ scent. As a human he couldn’t clean himself up anymore, so there was sweat and mud and blood, but underneath it all there was this smell of something entirely inhuman that was Cas. Dean whimpered. He needed him. Needed to know that he was here. That he was very much alive. So he gathered up his courage and dove in further to press his lips against Cas’. He felt him stiffening underneath him and he pulled away to apologize for obviously overstepping certain boundaries, but Cas sighed and tightened his grip on Dean’s neck to pull him back in. Now Cas was kissing him and Dean returned it with everything he had. He let Cas be in charge of the kiss and when he felt the exangel’s tongue gracing the seem of his lips, he sighed lowly and opened his mouth for the other to explore. Their tongues tangled and danced with each other and Dean could feel arousal rise deep in his stomach. He put his arms around Cas’ hips to pull him even closer and groaned when he could feel that the arousal wasn’t one-sided. He drew back enough to gasp in air and whisper Cas’ name.

The former angel lounged forward again, slamming their mouths together hard and then he pushed Dean. Pushed him to the bed without ever letting go of his mouth. When Dean’s legs were pressed against the end of his bed, his shoes long discarded, he sat down. After losing his own, Cas hovered over him, hurriedly pushing Dean’s jacket off his shoulders, continuing with all the layers until his hands finally touched bare skin. Cas growled. And damn if that wasn’t the hottest sound Dean ever heard. He couldn’t help but wanting to hear it again.

‟You’re wearing too many layers”, Dean growled and attempted to push the dirty trenchcoat off the other man’s shoulders, but Cas slapped his hands away and shook it off himself, together with his suit jacket. Cas confidently got rid of his button up by almost ripping it of and then pulled his undershirt over his head. Dean could do nothing but stare. The exangel had a lean, muscular chest and torso and Dean felt the desire to lick his way up to his lips. Cas smirked way too confidently.

‟Like what you see?” Dean nodded. He shoved himself up the bed and waited, his pants now uncomfortably tight. He let a hand travel down to get some relief. Cas tracked the movement and growled lowly. Dean moaned at the sound. Within seconds Cas was on top of him attacking his lips, pulling his hands over his head. Dean would never admit that he loved being held that way under any circumstances, but he gasped as Cas’ lips moved down to his throat and started sucking and licking, searching for that point Cas apparently knew would make him squirm. He attached his lips to Dean’s pulse point ad gently sucked the skin there. Dean gasped again, almost ashamed how loud he was moaning and squirming if it didn’t feel so good. His hips thrust up on their own accord trying to get any kind of relief, but Cas drew away and maybe Dean had whimpered.

‟Pants”, Cas panted and his voice has dropped a few octaves making Dean’ pants even tighter. He nodded furiously and started fumbling with his belt until Cas chuckled and gently took his hands to do it himself. For an exangel that barely had had sex he shouldn’t be so confident about this. Dean looked down at him as he unbuckled his belt and undid his fly. Dean lifted his hips for Cas to shove his jeans down. Cas took his time undressing Dean, even taking off his damn socks, leaving him hard and panting on the mattress.

‟Cas please”, Dean moaned. At that Cas sped up shoving his own dress pants down and stepping out of them and crawled back up to Dean. He gently lowered his body and both men groaned when their erections rubbed against another through their boxers. Despite their rushed actions seconds earlier, both of them seemed to slow down and Cas softly kissed him on the lips, their tongues tangling not in a rushed and aggressive, but slow and loving way. They seemed to try to tell what they couldn’t say with words. Dean could cry at the gentleness Cas was treating him with as if he forgave him. Truly loved him.

It was too much for him. Cas seemed to feel that something was wrong, so he drew back a few inches and looked into his eyes. Those damn blue eyes. They brought those memories back of the lifeless body in front of him and Dean whimpered, tears daring to spill over again.

‟Shhhh… I’m here, Dean. We’re okay.” Dean gripped Cas’ shoulders and buried his face in neck while Cas kept repeating his words and graced his fingers over Dean’s sides. All of this seemed to calm Dean down so he drew back and looked deep into his lover’s eyes. His lover’s. Dean -finally after all this years- would let himself have this. He slowly thrust his hips up again, but the urgency from before was gone. He just wanted to be with his angel. (wings or not, he’s always gonna be his angel so suck it) Cas saw that as an invitation to continue and began to kiss Dean’s face. His cheeks, his eyelids, his nose, his jaw and then finally his lips. The kiss was slow and deep. A lovemaking in its own way.

Dean let his hands map Cas’ back while Cas’ fingers grazed over Dean’s chest letting them map his torso and then up again to his nipples. Dean groaned. He felt Cas smile against his lips and he did it again, pinching them, rolling them them between his fingers and Dean’s back arched into him. His hips buckled and Cas growled when their hard ons rubbed against each other.

‟Cas”, Dean breathed out. Cas nodded and pulled their boxers down enough to pull out their hard members. Both men let out a strangled moan when Cas took them both in his hand, leaking of precum and Cas used it to slick them both up to ease the stroking. Dean’s hands went to Cas’ hair and tucked slightly, causing Cas to let out a low growl. Dean smirked and tucked again, a bit harder this time, drawing a louder growl from Cas’ mouth. Dean grinned, but not for long, because Cas picked up his speed of stroking and brought his lips to Dean’s pulse point again and sucked hard enough to leave a hickey.

Dean moaned loudly. Cas let his thumb circle around the head of Dean’s cock and tightened his grip during another stroke. Dean could feel his balls drawing up and the warmth in his gut intensifying. 

‟Cas”, he moaned, as his vocabulary seemed to be reduced to the exangel’s name. Cas’ hand tightened again, he picked up his speed and his lips met Dean’s in a deep kiss. All that was enough to throw Dean over the edge and he groaned loudly into Cas’ mouth spilling over their joined members and their chests. Cas kept stroking him through his orgasm and once he came down from his high, his hand joined Cas’. Together they stroked Cas’ dick, Dean gripping his hair again and whispering lowly, ‟Let go, Cas.” Cas groaned and buried his face in Dean’s shoulder. With Dean’s name on his lips Cas painted both their chests in cum.

Both of them panted, coming down from the bliss. Cas groaned and lifted himself of the bed. Dean felt a pang of pain in his chest, feeling rejected, but Cas returned with a wet towel and carefully cleaned them both up. After that he threw it on the floor and helped a boneless Dean under the sheets. Once both lay down Dean turned towards him. He swallowed.

‟Cas, I…” He couldn’t find the words he so desperately wanted to say.

‟It’s okay Dean. I love you, too.” Dean shut his eyes tightly to stop any tears from spilling. Cas pulled him closer and Dean laid his head on his chest.

‟We should sleep”, Cas said softly. Dean nodded sleepily and cuddled closer to his angel. They could worry about the Nephilim and his mother tomorrow. For tonight it was just the two of them slowly healing and coping together.

Dean never slept better.


End file.
